I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
