Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
