Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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