i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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