Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
