we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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