at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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