i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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