Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
