Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
