Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
