The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
