Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
