Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
