god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
