I think I won the penis lottery.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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