So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize