State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
