I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize