I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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