Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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