awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just high enough for therapy.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
