I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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