when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
