youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
