As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
