As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
