I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
