So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
