I met the friendliest cop last night
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
