So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
