I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
