Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
