Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
