Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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