Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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