Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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