I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
