you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
