Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
