You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
