I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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