I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
