No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
