Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
