i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
