She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
