it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
