i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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