i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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