i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
