It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
