A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize