you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
