I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize