Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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