I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
