thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
