I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
