I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
