I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
