but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
