so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
