I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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