first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
