I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
