I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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