I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
