I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
