i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
