So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
