New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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