I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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