9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
