there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize