he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
