Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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