Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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