i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
