my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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