he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
