He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
