On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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