she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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