hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
