Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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