Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It's just like the Real World with babies
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
