Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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